hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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