i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
