this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
