Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There are leaves in my underwear?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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