SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
