im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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