oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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