2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
