lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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