I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
