they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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