I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
