don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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