he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
