she was so not down for the gang bang
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
