i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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