We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Come share oat with me in your robe
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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