Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
