I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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