Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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