mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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