I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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