Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
