I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
