ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
