I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
love makes seman taste better
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
