I have demons in me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my liver is dry heaving
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
