Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
