my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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