spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
