My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you traded sex for a burrito?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
