the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
