What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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