we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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