Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This is my gift to your gina
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
