singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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