So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
