so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
this hospital has no fireball
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
