Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
