Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
