i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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