Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
