It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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