You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
