Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
