apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
