Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
being pregnant is like rehab
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
