Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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