Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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