ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
