so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
