I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
