could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
