At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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