Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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