dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
